last 3 words

i'm sorry..

i worry so much
for me being selfish
for i cry and long for you
even though i can't be with you

...yet


i hurt you,

it's my fault i admit it
that we are in this gloomy fit
the damage has been made
and tears have been shed


i apologize...

for thinking about you so much
for i look forward for your touch
that we had to argue and fight
for giving you restless night


i'm sorry

that i have to say sorry again and again
making me look that i'm close to being insane
but there is one thing that i wouldn't say sorry to
it is for the feeling that i love you..

how do i mend the wounds?

i was a fool to ever thought of hurting you.
although the intention was not entirely about meaning what i said.
i know now that i should be wary of the things that i will say to you. 
now i fall into a deep abyss of loneliness and regret.

i need you..
i want you here..

cause i'm afraid to lose you.
i'm sorry but i wouldn't want you to leave.
call me selfish or whatever.



just stay.

please?

with a touch of melancholy

"lost, wanting to find, love that has gone out of reach"

~Outlet 1 - fuseboxx                                                         

would i watch the curtains fall? i know this isn't over.. not yet it is. i still cling on to the thought that there would come a time that we will both watch the sun rise from the horizon and watch as it settles and rest in dawn. till i  see your silhouette from a distance as you come near me and we prepare to embark our journey for another day. 

i feel melancholic.

i would lie if i appear that i am alright. pretending has it's perk at times. other people doesn't seem to notice how much my heart aches as day pass by quick. it pass by so fast without you. i would trade half of what i have to get back on the days and moments that we spend time together. though fate and distance can be so cruel that it contradicts on what we want and wished for. 

all will be fine soon.

i keep remembering those words as it lingers in the back of my worry filled mind. i'm such a worry-wart. it sucks to be this way. i keep telling myself to be patient and wait. wait until everything is alright and ready. until there are no more hindrances in the way. such an optimistic way of seeing things. i can do that. but would you forgive for times that i fail to do this and entertain pessimistic thoughts of having the thought of losing you. i can't seem to bear that thought. 

for i have lost so many things in my life recently. i don't plan on including you in that part. not now. not ever..

absence makes the heart grow fonder

so i hope and pray every waking day and before i rest my weary eyes that you be safe and well. love hasn't gone out of reach. as far as i can see. thoughts of you grow fonder still, in spite of your absence.

until later my love..

the dilemma

it is when you found yourself asking

"am i not good enough for you?"

letter to you

to my dearest,

it seems another day has passed by without you here with me. it hurts to feel this way. the longing is unbearable but i know i have to endure and believe that you will return. i hope you can share stories about what you have been up to lately. you know how i love to hear about your day, may it be about your adventures, happiness, funny encounters or thoughts on misdeeds, trials, sufferings and failure. every thought will be entertained. it makes me feel like i'm much closer to you than i was the day before that. sharing a part of you is clearly something that i wouldn't trade anything for the world.

countless time have i browsed some of our recent conversations. i remember clearly how you react to all my comments and can even see how you smile and laugh as i tell jokes and other fun moments that we both have shared. how i miss every moment we share. i miss your smile, your laughter, i miss you.

i look at the last photograph that you gave me. the memory still lingers in my mind. how i wish i was with you in that photo or even at the time when you were playing the piano. i look at the photograph every night and have the piano recording as my lullaby before i go to sleep. it helps me relax. it helps me ease my mind. it also makes me long for you more.

i really hope for you to be doing well and that you are safe wherever you are right now. you don't need to worry about me. i can still endure the pain of longing. 

my love are with you always. be safe and be well ...

until later..

ich vermisse dich.

as early as the sun will rise, such a lovely view it would be. i would lie if i told you i await for the sun to rise.  you know i always woke up late. i sleep for as long as i can, embracing my pillow and let the rays of sunlight lingers on my face while dreaming.

for my dreams were of you, and as far as i can recall. i would love to tell them to you. - all of it, but not till you come back. i'm saving it all up so we can stay up late and just talk, with you here by my side while we stare at the sky.

am i still dreaming? can someone shook me up now? will it be you to be there when i open my eyes?

i know it will be a long shot for now, but i believe you will be the one who will bring back what is lost within me.

be safe and be well for i will wait until you return..

bis spater mein lieber


ich liebe dich