on cravings, pretending and slow death.

you know how i crave for you
yet you don't give a damn
as i pick my pace to follow
yet you don't seem to bother

"hey! your walking too fast"
i tried screaming for you to stop
yet you don't listen
you never did
maybe you never will.

i have stopped from following now
for i fell on the ground, faced down
i'm all bruised up and bleeding
nobody's fault to blame but my own

-------

look what it did to you
i hope you are happy now
with all the shit that has happened
should i be so sorry now?

shall i ask myself if i am wanted
or am i just once again needed
is it part of a schemed plan
that you will leave once you are done

was it all worth it
i just feel the need to ask
but i think it doesn't matter
for i'll hide behind another mask

---------------

i stand between boundaries
my hands were raised up high
on one hand i hold a pen
a knife on the other


torn between stabbing myself
with any of the two things that i hold
to the part of me that is left
of what remains or so they told


i pushed the one i hold on my right hand
straight to the core of what hurts the most
followed by the one that i hold on my left
with every thrust the wounds immediately closed

i think i'm gonna die

well almost.

your love won't release me i'm bound under ball and chain

it doesn't feel the same.

nuff said.

miss

it is strange to think that it has been quite a while since we last talked. i have talked with a stranger, a random stranger whom i have just met while standing in line a while ago, but not to you.
i've have seen sunsets and gaze at how the moon has change its phase but none of it matter if i would not be able to speak with you again. i mean yeah it is unfair. you left without a word and just go with your own way. you have been trying to live a life on your own without having to share it with me. i may be a bit selfish to think that i could have at least be a part of it, but you have not given me a chance to be part of it..well not anymore that is.
it really did take a toll with me. but i guess you don't give a damn about it anymore.

am i becoming indifferent now?that i do not know. i may be numb from all of this hurt and sufferings that all this shitty life has been throwing right at me. i won't nudge an inch. i will endure. i will be strong. i will live. i keep telling myself that.well a part of me keep on saying that. i know it has been long since we had talked. i mean when was the last time? do you remember? or do you keep it as another one of those shenanigans that you have been up to. i think you have been threading on the misguided path since then. you know where you are though. i cannot keep on pulling you in on the right path if you have been so eager to go on your own way.

where it lead you? im not really sure. im still here to see where it all lead. im just gonna stand by my ground. and watch you from where i am at, till you can wake up some sense in you. well i hope by the time that moment will come, you will still be standing. i hate to see you like this. feeling broken and unwanted.
you deserve so much better. you will get through this. this too shall pass.

and if all else fails. remember who have stayed with you through all those shitty times. you have the pleasure of having some transient friends for now..but when you are not at the top anymore and your purpose have expired with them you will see who your friends really are, and it will be sad to know that it is them whom you neglect the most.

take a breather and move to a different scene. maybe you will find what you are looking for there.
and maybe...just maybe


you will start to live again.

tawa

nakakainggit na kaya nyong magpakasaya
sige tawa pa..
na kayang kaya nyong gawing biro ang lahat

isantabi muna lahat ng problema para sa sandaling ligaya
sa lahat ng mga naidadaan nyo ng konting biro
sa udyok at hirit ng mga kapwa nyo komikero
di bale ng may masagasaan
di bale ng magpakamanhid
ang importante yung nagkakasiyahan kayo

tawa lang sige..pagtawanan nyo pa.
dyan kayo magaling.
dyan kayo masaya.
sige lang.
tawa pa