hindi ko alam kung paano nagsimula basta naalala ko na lang na kumakain tayo.
di ko alam kung bakit parating may pagkain sa panaginip ko lately. siguro dahil di ako kumain ng dinner kagabi pero ewan ko na lang rin. balik sa eksena. nakatalikod ka sakin, may kinukwento ka ata o binabasang libro o kung ano tapos lumapit ako tapos niyakap kita. hindi ko alam kung epekto yun ng unan na akap akap ko nang pagtulog ko pero para sa akin ramdam na ramdam ko ang bawat kurba ng katawan mo at ang halimuyak ng pabango mo.
binalot ko ang katawan mo ng mga bisig ko, akala ko magagalit ka nung maramdaman kong yung kamay mo e pinatong mo sa kamay ko. inakala kong aalisin mo ang kamay ko, pero nagulat ako sa susunod na ganap. hinigpitan mo ang hawak mo sa kamay ko at para bang sinecure mo ang kamay mo sa kamay ko at parang pinahigpitan pa ang kapit ko sayo.
napahalik ako sa balikat mo at sinabing "dyan ka lang. gusto ko andyan ka lang parati..
...para sa akin."
sa pagpikit ko e ang huling nakita ko e ang ngiti mula sa labi mo at parang may sasabihin ka sana kaso bigla akong nagising.
siguro ang sinabi mo sakin e para sa susunod na panaginip ko pa malalaman.
sa ngayon kailangan ko munang gumising...
"gising na..
gising na."
panaginip lang
para kay dream girl
napanaginipan na naman kita kagabi.
nagsimula ang kwento ng inaya kita manuod ng movie. nakalimutan ko na kung anong movie yung inaya ko sayo pero pumayag ka naman. may dala akong pizza at yung movie na inakala kong sa sinehan e sa bahay lang pala natin papanuorin. kasi maraming tao sa sinehan premiere ata kaya iba na lang ang papanuorin natin at nauwi tayo sa bahay ninyo. naalala ko na habang naglalakad tayo e nakahawak ka sa braso ko. tapos kumakanta ka ng 'kahit kailan' ng southborder. di ko alam kung bakit yun ang kinakanta mo pero napapangiti ako habang kumakanta ka. at para makaduet kita e ako yung instrumental part dun sa sax haha.
so nagskip na yung scene at nasa couch tayo at kumakain ako ng pizza. bigla akong nagkaurge para umihi so nagpaalam para magpunta ng banyo tapos nakita ko yung ate mo kasama yung baby nya. tinanong ko kung san ang banyo, tinuro nya dun sa bandang kaliwa may pinto dun at yung switch ng ilaw e bago pumasok ng pinto sa bandang kanan. so pagkatapos ko gawin ang aking business e lumabas ako at pabalik na papunta sayo e tinawag ako ng ate mo. nagusap kami habang nilalaro ko yung baby nya. tapos di ko alam kung tinatakot nya ako o ewan ko lang pero tinanong nya kung seryoso ako sayo, ang sabi ko lang e "i like her a lot" at syempre bilang ate nya e ang sabi nya e "saktan mo lang yang kapatid ko yari ka sakin" pero nakangiti naman sya at alam naman ata nyang di ko kaya yun. anyway natuwa ata ako masyado sa kakalaro ng baby nya at napansin na rin ata nyang matagal akong nawala kaya hinanap na nya ako. nung nagkita kami e natawa lang sya kasi puro laway na ako nung baby pero di ko na pinapansin. iba rin kasi ang epekto ng pagkarga sa mga bata.
parang naubos yung oras namin kakalaro sa baby at hindi na namin natapos yung pinapanuod namin. i had a lot of fun. seriously, gumising akong nakangiti kahit wala akong idea kung ano ba talaga ang pinanuod namin dun sa panaginip ko.
sana nga lang totoong alaala na lang yun instead sa panaginip.
unang buslo kabyos, ikalawang buslo sablay!
ilang segundo na lang ang nalalabi. tabla ang parehong koponan. at pinakaimportanteng tira sa buong laro ay nakasalalay sa mga mangyayaring kasunod.
dribol
dribol
buntong hininga habang inaalala at isinasantabi yung mg asungot na katunggali na nasa kaliwa, kanan at nasa likuran ng ring. iblanko ang isipan. panatilihing nakatutok ang imahe ng ring na unti unting lumalaki para mas madaling maipasok ang bolang kanina mo pa dinidribol.
dribol ulit..
sa kabila ng ingay at panggugulo ng iba ay di nagpapaapekto. siguro ay handa ka ng bitawan ang at pakawalan ang unang buslo. tinantya. inispat mabuti. pagkahagis napansing mayroong mali. kung nakaslowmo ang kuha mula sa ibat ibang anggulo. mapapansin agad kung ano ang pagkukulang.
diretso naman ang pagbitiw, nakaayos ang porma ng kamay, kinulang lamang sa lakas.
kabyos.
nakakabinging tawanan ang sumunod. natabunan ang inis ng ingay ng mga nasa paligid. parang nanlambot ang tuhod sa pagkakamaling nagawa. sa kabila nuon e nilapitan ka ng mga kakampi. tinapik sa balikat. "ok lang yan may kasunod pa naman" muling kinalma ang sarili. inantay iabot ang bola. ikalawang pagkakataon na ito.
nanginginig ang kamay. kabado. nanlalamig ang mga pawis na tumutulo sa gilid ng mukha. tuyo ang lalumunan. tiniis ang sakit sa paglunok ng laway. pumikit. pagmulat ng mata'y walang pag-agam agam na binigay ang ikalawang buslo.
pinagmasdan ang bolang umiikot sa himpapawid..
ang bolang ng pag-asang mag-uuwi ng tagumpay..
ang siyang magbibigay ng buhay sa koponan niyong nalulumbay..
subalit sumablay.
ayun patay.
hango mula sa maraming tagpo blg.3
ang sulating ito ay gawa gawa lamang. ang anumang mga pangalan, mga karakter, lugar at pangyayari na nabanggit dito ay panay ang produkto ng imahinasyon ng may-akda. anumang pagkakahawig sa tunay na pangyayari, lugar o mga taong nakatira o patay na, ay lubos na hindi sinasadya.
ikatlong yugto: tuso
Sa kabilang dako, ilang oras na ring naiwang nag aantay si Gigi. Halos mangalahati na pagkakaubos ng sigarilyong kanyang hawak hawak ngunit di pa nya nahihithit. Hindi rin alintala na nakakarami na syang nasindihang yosi. Mahigit kalahati na ang laman ng kaha ng yosi ang kanyang naubos. Halos matulala at iniisip nya kung nasaan ang kanyang pinsang si Annie.
Alam nya kung ano ang ginagawa ni Annie sa mga oras na ito. Madalas na rin nilang napagtatalunan ang tungkol dito. Parang nagsawa na rin sya paulit ulit na sinasabi nya para mapagtakpan si Annie kapag tinatanong sya ng kanyang tiya. At sa mapagbirong tadhana ay parang nadagdagan pa ang kanyang pagiisip ng kausapin sya ni Ferdi tungkol sa nangyayari kay Boyet.
Sa totoo lang ay pagod na rin sya sa pagbibigay ng payo kay Boyet. May pagkakataon na rin na halos magdamagan na nilang kinukumbinsi ng kanyang kasintahang si Ferdi si Boyet na bumitiw na pero kahit anong pilit di pa rin nila makumbinsi ito. Kung mamumuti man ang uwak sa pag-aantay nilang mabago ang isip ni Boyet sa tangka nilang pagkumbinsi ay napakalabong mangyari.
Nakikita nila ang sitwasyon ni Boyet. At para kay Gigi, hindi na awa ang nararamdaman nya para kay Boyet sa ngayon kung hindi pagkainis. Hindi na nya makuhang maawa kay Boyet pagkat nakikita naman nyang alam ni Boyet ang ginagawa nya. Alam ni Boyet ang nangyayari sa kanyang paligid pero mas pinipili pa nyang magpaka bulag, pipi at bingi sa katangahan. Inilihis na lamang nya ang pagiisip sa problema ni Boyet at binalik ang atensyon sa kanyang pinsang si Annie.
Kung dati rati ay galit sya kapag ginagawa ni Annie ang mga bagay na kinasusuklaman nya ngayon ay parang napalitan na ito ng paghanga. Sa paraang unti-unti syang minumulat ni Annie sa mga ideyang takot syang subukan. Sa mga pagkakataong nagsasalita si Annie at napapakinggan nya ito ay parang naGiging proud sya sa kanyang pagiging pagkababae.
Na hindi sa lahat ng oras babae ang talo sa laro, minsan inaakala mo lang yun pero sa totoo, babae ang nagwawagi. Di sila ang madalas na biktima. Bagkus sila ay hindi tanga pagdating sa laro sa kama. Sa ideyang pinapamulat ni Annie sa pinsan nya, babae ang bida.
Simple lang kasi si Gigi. Kung ikukumpara kay Annie sa pananamit o sa kilos man. Mahinhin si Gigi at kung manamit ay simple lang rin. Simpleng blouse na tineternohan nya ng maong na pantaloon at palagi syang naka pony tail. Sa kabilang dako naman ay si Annie, walang takot si Annie. Palaban. Matalino at kung manamit ay aakalain mong isang mayaman. Sexy kung manamit si Annie, hilig nya ang magsuot ng mga mini skirt na parati nyang binabagayan ng mga stiletto. Mas naipapakita ang hubog ng katawan ni Annie kapag ganyan ang suot nya at nadadala naman nya ang damit nya ng hindi sya mapagkakamalang bastusin o pakawala. Hindi naman nakikita ang hubog ng katawan ni Gigi sapagkat sya ay parating naka closed-neck na blouse. Kapag nakikita si Gigi ni Annie ay hindi sya nakakaligtas sa pambabatikos nito sa pananamit. Hindi raw sya isang ehemplo ng babaeng conservative kung hindi isang babaeng mapagpanggap.
Sapagkat ayaw nyang pagbigyan ng laya ang kanyang pakiramdam na sexual. Dahilan ni Annie na tinatago ni Gigi ang kanyang alindog sa mga taong tumitingin. Pinipigil nya ang mga urge nyang mang-akit.
Sa isang banda kapag nililitanyahan na siya ni Annie ng ganito patungkol sa libog ng kanyang katawan ay lihim na naaarouse sya. Nabubuhay ang kanyang pagkababae sa ideyang binibigay ni Annie na malibog ang katawang tao natin sa mundo, at nasa kanila lamang kung paano nila isisimbulat sa sarili ang kalibugan ng katawan nila.
Labag man sa kalooban nya pero aminado rin naman syang may punto ang sinasabi ni Annie. Nasa tao mismo kung paano nila ipapaalala ang kanilang kamalayan sa masidhing tawag ng laman. Minsan na rin nyang binusisi kung bakit nakakayanan ni Annie na manlalake habang nasa isang relasyon pa sya, iba kasi ang iniisip ni Gigi. Para sa kanya ang lahat ng mga nasa relasyon ay pinapangarap nila na sa sila na ang magkakatuluyan balang araw.
Tinawanan lang sya ni Annie sa pagkakasabi nya dito. Isang tawang pang kontrabida. At sinagot ang tanong nya
“wala namang problema samin ng boyfriend ko sa ngayon. Kung possible ngang magmahal ang isang tao na higit sa sarili nya e masasabi ko ngang mahal nya ako. Pero sa tagal na namin e masyado na akong at ease sa kanya. Tumaas na yung comfort level naming sa isa’t isa na parang kaya ko ng ipredict kung ano ang mga susunod na mangyayari sa kilos nya at sasabihin. Wala na tuloy excitement”
Di masyadong maintindihan ni Gigi ang mga sinasabi ni Annie. Bakas ito sa mukha nya ang agam-agam kaya tinuloy ni Annie ang sinasabi nya.
“wala ng excitement sexually. I mean, active naman ang sex life namin pero habang tumatagal e parang kabisado ko na sya. Alam ko na kung san sya hahalikan para mapaungol ng matindi o kung saan ko ilalagay ang kamay ko para may gawin akong ikatutuwa nya. Sa ganyang dahilan e parang nakukulangan na ko. Feeling ko may kulang na samin.”
“so jinujustify mo lang ang kagagahan mo para masatisfy ang sexual urges mo? Para sa sexual gratifications mo? Ganun?”
“Loka! Ganito kasi yun, alisin mo muna sa isip mo na ako ang topic natin at gawin nating buhay ng tao as a whole ang paguusapan natin ok?”
“ano sa palagay mo ang pwedeng gawin ng tao para maging worth while at memorable ang pananatili nya sa mundo?” tanong ni Annie.
“simple lang, makatapos ng pag aaral, magkatrabaho at magkaron ng maayos na pamilya at magka-anak syempre. Tapos maging successful ka sa career mo, then mayaman na ko.”
“ano naman ang mangyayari pagnamatay ka?” tanong ni Annie kay Gigi.
“mamatay akong fulfilled. Na alam kong mamatay akong naging makabuluhan ang buhay ko habang nabubuhay ako sa mundo.”
“AMEN!! Palakpakan!!”
Pangaalaska ni Annie kay Gigi.
“Gigi alam mo namang lahat ng tao ay ipinapanganak na nakaprograma na ang gagawin nila biologically di ba? Logically ginagawa natin yan. Dapat ganito yan o ganito ang paraan naman ng isa. Pano naman ang aspetong pilosopikal? Sa lahat ng nararamdaman o gagawin ng tao dumadaan lahat yan sa utak tapos gagamitan mo ng logic para iset aside kung tama ba o mali yung mga yun.”
“hello Annie, logic rin ang gamit ng tao para magkaroon ng philosophical reasoning”
“ang logic my dear ay bunga ng mga sama samang idea ng pagbabawal sa aspeto ng social, religious at tradition ng tao. Halimbawa na lang ang pakikipag sex ng walang kasal ay mali dahil yun ang sabi ng simbahan. Logic yon. Sa pilosopiya naman ng tao, nabubuo yan kapag kinakailangan nyang pangatwiranan ang mga ginagawa nya sa mga restrictions na sinet aside ng social traditional o maging religious aspect ng tao.“
“so sinasabi mong tama o mali man ang gawin ng tao ay nasa tao mismo yun basta kaya nyang panindigan kung tama man o mali yun?
“hindi. Ang pilosopiya ay yung paano laging magiging tama ang ginagawa ng tao. Di ba ang sarili rin naman ang magpapasya kung ano ang makakabuti par a sa kanya tama?”
“ so saan naman pumapasok ang mga panlalake mo dyan?”
Tumawa ulit si Annie na parang nakakaloko. Ang halakhak na alam mong totoo at nakikita pa ang dimples nya.
“ang pinakamataas na antas ng pilosopiyang kayang abutin ng tao ay ang pagiging sexual. Bakit kamo? Kasi ito yung pinakabawal gawin sa kadahilanang di mo sya pwedeng ipaalam sa ibang tao ng bulgaran. Nakikita na yung pinakamakabuluhang moment ng tao ay kapag nag orgasm na sya sa habang may kasex o nasa isang sexual setting.”
“err..”
“iyon na nga yun.”
“ang alin?”
“pag nagoorgasm ang tao nagkakaron ng pinakamataas na antas ng pagiisip ang isang tao. Sa orgasm, sa libog, sa paraan ng pagiging sexual nya naipapakita at napapangatawanan na tama ang ginagawa nya.”
“pero san pumapasok nga yung panlalalake mo aber? Ginagamitan mo lang ako ng pagkapilosopo mo pero di mo parin maipaliwanag kung bakit nakakaya mong manlalake e may boy friend ka naman na?”
Tumawa ulit si Annie. akmang sasagutin na sana nya si Gigi ng biglang tumunog ang cellphone nya. Tumatawag ang boyfriend nya “sa susunod na natin pagusapan yang tungkol dyan insan ok?” sabay kindat at labas ng pinto.
Naiwan si Gigi sa kwartong naiinis.
short story: grim
"give it back!"
Another shout was thrown in the air. The helpless boy then coils around in the ground. Lying helpless amidst the cold floor of the room, he shook and trembled. He barely has enough clothes to shield him from the cold damp floor of his barren and broken home. He was still trembling yet he remained from the position where he was left. Another cry was uttered.
“give it back please..”
This time he heard enough. He immediately covered his ears with his cold and trembling hands. Shutting all sounds the moment his hands touched his ears. Then there was silence. Little did he knew, he had just passed out.
In his dream it was different. Everything around him seems exactly the opposite of what his life has been. He was wearing comfortable clothes now. The room he was in was sparkling bright with cleanliness. The bed he was lying in was as soft as cotton. He felt like he was in drifting in the clouds. Everything seems perfect, till the time he looked at his reflection in the mirror.
His reflection was entirely different. It surprised him so hard that he fell back down upon gazing at his reflection. “that is not me” he mused. The reflection stared back at him while he sat on floor. Confused and scared, he summoned up all his courage and gave the mirror a quick glance. The reflection was looking straight at him. He was uttering something. Words seem so vague for him to understand the meaning of what the reflection was telling him. Deep down inside he knew what those words were.
“give it back”
“please stay away!” he shouts back at the mirror then ran outside. The reflection stayed on the mirror, crying and felt lost.
The boy kept on running. He passed by strangers who kept on calling at him. He ran as fast as he can, covering his ears as he ventured towards the woods. When he felt like he ran far enough, he broke down and cried.
He was faced down and whimpering still. As tears ran across his face, he goes again to his favorite position. The position he feels safe and secure. While sucking on his thumb, he coils down again crying in a fetal position then he fell asleep.
This was not what he wanted at all. He kept telling himself that. But then who knew that this would happen after that fateful incident.
It was a very unfortunate time to be lost in the woods. He regretted the time when he stubbornly took a detour into an unusual path. The path leaded him to the deeper part of the woods. The path where even the trees began to wither and grass ceased to grew. It was the first time he got lost in the woods and there is no one out there to save him. He was all by himself now. He sucked it up even though tears are lining up his eyes. He retraced his steps only to found out that he was walking in circles. He tried to lay down markers along the way but when he turned back the marker vanishes without a trace. It was becoming late, and darkness is eating its way across the sky. The light was slowly fading and the fog was now becoming thicker by the minute.
Then a shriek from a bird echoed so loud he jumped out of fear and ran. He ran and got cut up by low branches from dead trees. He ignored the pain ran and ran. He thought he heard laughter coming from behind him. he grabbed a thick piece of wood and ran while his eyes were closed and swinging his arm blindly as he moves forward. He ran as far as he could until he tripped on something and fell face first into a swamp.
He stood up and came to see what he tripped him and saw another body. The body was mutilated horridly. He backed away from it quickly. He felt more afraid and hit something again. This time he hit a person’s leg.
He looked up then all he could see was darkness.
He woke up to the pain from his head. His head felt like it was splitting in two. He tried to touch it only to found out he was bounded across a tree. Someone was rustling near the fire he cannot see clearly for this person’s back was facing him. He tried to ask him who the person was but all he could utter was a moan. The person looked back at him and showed his crooked teeth at him. He was balding with hair tossed around like he was pulling it out by force. He was wearing rags and dirty clothes with feet as black as coal.
The man asked the boy to remain still and wait for his turn as he was just about to finish with his meal. The boy focused till he saw what the man doing a ritual. It was the body of a boy that he tripped on a while ago. But what was weird was that the more he nears to finish the ritual the more the body became healthy. He focused as hard as he can to see what was really going on. But the pain kicks in again till he shouted and the man came to him to hit him again and then he fainted.
“it is now finished” these are the words he heard as he woke up. He was not tied up on a tree now. “where am i? and who are you?” he crawled back to see the man standing up in front of him who just smirks and laughs sheepishly without answering him.
The boy then looks around and saw that there was something different. It was still the middle of the night he thought. But something does not feel right. He asked again “who are you?” This time the man moves in closer to stare at him from head to foot and answered “I am the man who just granted what your heart desired” he was puzzled at the man’s answer. “where am i?” he asked. “you are where you want to be” the man said. He smelled of something very awful, like a mixture of garbage and decaying animal and other filthy stuffs.
He noticed something was quite different now. He was not in the woods. The man now appears to be wearing a white suit. His face was now cleanly shaven and his hair was fixed and brushed up neatly. He looked down on him and told him a few words before he left. “never look at the mirror”. He may be appearing to be clean and neat but the stink from his inner being has been seeping out of his body; at least that was how he saw him. the boy tried to recall what had happen that night, but this was stopped by another headache. A much more painful one that made him faint from the pain.
That was all he remembered. He kept on wondering what happened that night, about why did he wake up as somebody else, and about the reflection who is crying out for him to give something back.
He thought that this nightmare should stop now. He gathered all his courage to stand up and walked back to the place where he had been to.
He knew he had been always poor. an orphaned boy. His family died right in front of him. His father killed his mother and stabbed himself after. He lived by himself. He denied the fact that he was alone. He kept something from his parents, a little something to remember them by. He kept it closed to him. He made a scarf out of his mother’s favorite dress cut out from his father’s blade. It was the cloth that he used to clean his parent’s body before he put them in their graves.
He was looking for some rocks to make a gravestone for the graves but he got lost. That’s when his living nightmare began. He was now making his way near to the house where he ran out from. There are no more people here. It was dark and there were no lights in the room. He did not care anymore.
He opened the door with trembling hands. Then he slowly crept back to the room armed with a lamp that he picked and light from the kitchen. He then came back face to face with the reflection.
It was all coming back to him now. the reflection he saw now was the boy he saw on the woods. the one with the ugly man. The boy on the reflection was still crying. He called out to the reflection. The reflection stood up. With teary eyes he came running as close as he can be to talked to the boy. The boy on the reflection seemed to lighten up and said “are you going to give it back?” “give what back” the other boy answered. “my body of course” “you stole it to me, you and that man” said the reflection. “I do not know what happened” the boy then explained what had he remembered before he got hit again by the man. “LIES!!! that is not what happened!” shouted the reflection. The boy was confused about what he heard and asked back “then tell me what happened”
The boy explained that the man didn’t finished what he was doing to him. he was extracting his soul from his body when he came across them. He got knocked out by the man cause he hit him with while he was running around and blindly swinging his arms while holding a piece of wood . This had distracted the man from finishing his ritual so he hit the boy and tied it up on the tree. What the boy saw when he woke up was the ritual to eat the soul of the boy but he was surprised that the man had schemed other plans for them. He switched up their souls and locked the other soul on any reflection that the boy could look into. He told the boy that this was his punishment for ruining his ritual.
The boy was taken aback and was still shocked at what the reflection had told him. He knew now that the reason behind this nightmare was because of the failed ritual. He was about to asked the reflection on how to reverse it but failed to cause the mirror shattered by a stone. It was thrown by the man who now appears to be shifting from the ugly and dirty one to the clean and neat one. He got so terrified that he started throwing things that his hand can touch. The man just laughs as he dodge away the things that was thrown from him and moving inch by inch at the process. the boy was now cornered and again trembling in fear. He was now holding a piece of broken glass in his hand as he saw the man moving closer to him.
“you must not surrender yourself to him” said the reflection. He saw a speck of the reflection through the broken glass. The man eyed him from where he was and gave up his evilest smile at the boy who is now trapped at the corner. He was now crying in fear for his soul might be taken by this man. He was holding the broken glass hard that his hands were now cut and bleeding. “your soul will be mine child” said the man coldly.
“not in this lifetime” said the boy and without thinking about it he plunges the glass into his heart while the man screamed in horror. “NOOO!!” but it was too late the boy did what he had to. But what he saw before all life from himself faded was something else. What remained in his memory was the sight of the man.
Smiling.