i stumble across a flower garden in my dreams. there i saw a rose. it reminded me of someone i knew. i knelt down and plucked it. i breathed its fragrance. it surely do remind me of her. a voice asked me "does its thorns hurt you?" i answered "if i had been aware of it's thorns, maybe i wouldn't plucked it" "did you regret plucking it?" the voice asked again -"letting go of this rose would rend my heart with pain worse than a wound . oozing fresh blood from my hand, thus i am unable to let go.."
"but wouldn't it be better if you let the rose keeps it place in the soil? where she can grow more into a beautiful flower far more greater than it was before you plucked it out. by now it would soon lose its fragrance and beauty for its life and beauty were taken away from it at the time you have plucked it from the ground." the voice said as it left me wondering and the scenes have changed.
the scenery change and then found myself surrounded by sunflowers everywhere. i overheard one of them talking to the sun. "am i worth the wait?" asked the sun, "i'll wait for you." calmly said the sunflower. "won't you regret it? maybe im not worth all the trouble.." said the sun, " i will always gaze towards you with neither hate nor regret," "even through strong winds and heavy rain, i will continue to look up to you with a smile. patiently bearing the pain, while i wait for you to shine for me once more. for i will never ever feel any regret." was the last words that the sunflower has said before i was then warped to another place..
then i saw her. she was sitting by the riverside. smiling happily as i come near her. i retell her all the things that i had encountered upon my way to meet her. she listened to me attentively. not murmuring or interrupting me while i talk. she just smiled warmly. she then said something after i finished telling the story with a question "do you regret something?" i answered "not a thing. i never regret breaking the rules and being doomed to eternity for making me get to know you and express my inner most feelings of love and affection to you my dear" "it is all worth it." "but we haven't got much time," "we only had a day to meet up and spend time together, and that is all. everything will be back to the way it used to be." she reminded me. i answered "cherish me and i will cherish you, it won't be as hard and lonely anymore." a bright light shone above us. "guess it is time." she said. "i know," i replied. we hugged and kiss till the moment when we both came to be. i once again warped back to the other side of the river as she stayed on her side, being flowers of morning glories that was cursed upon us when we broke the law for having ourselves prove our love for each other. the winds blew silent and the sun sets quietly into the horizon as we stay for another year and wait for the time for us to meet once more.
on roses, sunflowers and morning glories.
on goodbyes, moving on and the drops of rain.
i forgot what day is it, was it even a night? i tried asking myself that question. it didn't matter now. what matter was the moment that happen that faithful time. so how can i start something that was never meant to begin with now?
as i stood still, momentarily preoccupied by the noise of a thousands or maybe millions of rain drops as it falls on the roof, the trees, the hard pavement and on the palm of my hand. "i love the rain." someone used to tell me that when it rains it makes her happy. how i loved and treasured every single conversation that we had during those rainy days. "i love raining too, cause it makes you feel happy and i'm happy whenever you're happy." such an interesting thing to say. i meant every word, these are some of the interesting things and moment that i had treasured and will now become part of my memory. in time i will forget this, i know, for it will be replaced by another memory. a much more suitable one. but it didn't mean that it will be forgotten for that's a hard thing to do.
a time to end it all and start moving again.
-nothing is permanent in this life, we have to enjoy it while it is still there. i took every chance i get and make it as if i will never feel it again tomorrow. we all struggle to find something worthwhile and we do almost anything just to keep it. wrap it around with our arms so tight and not letting it go. guarding it so as no one would dare take it away. letting go is a hard thing to do. but like a bird who would start exploring the world and ready to spread its wings for it to fly. it needs to let go, away from it's comfort zone. it's not an easy task to begin with but it is not impossible to do. you need to put your best foot forward and start moving one step at a time. making baby steps as you go along and before you know it you are miles away from your comfort zone. parting ways is something that we need to prepare and will do eventually. we have to accept that everything is not permanent in this world. there will come a point in our life that you would feel that you need to move ahead and go forward and be away from any limited sensibilities where you are now and start making a new chapter in your life and open up new possibilities and welcome new experiences which will mold who you are from what you used to be.
-moving on the account of rain.
it started raining again as i'm laying the last few lines of this story. suddenly i felt like i like the rain, no, rather i'm starting to love it. not just it reminds me of how you love it but because i too have began to understand its worth. its like the story of a raindrop leaving its cloud. as it bravely say its final goodbyes to the cloud then proceeded to jump as high and into the horizon away from the cloud that it used to call home. it floats in the air, starting to wonder how much has it has been missing being inside the cloud that shelters it for so long and now as the droplet like any other droplet like him or her falls down embracing the wind that envelopes its entirety. as it plunges its way down to the earth , making time stands still as it views the horizon in a way that he had never seen before and prepares for the finale, the acceptance that good things never last as it kiss the pavement that he will now call home.
~ciaosu
as i stood still, momentarily preoccupied by the noise of a thousands or maybe millions of rain drops as it falls on the roof, the trees, the hard pavement and on the palm of my hand. "i love the rain." someone used to tell me that when it rains it makes her happy. how i loved and treasured every single conversation that we had during those rainy days. "i love raining too, cause it makes you feel happy and i'm happy whenever you're happy." such an interesting thing to say. i meant every word, these are some of the interesting things and moment that i had treasured and will now become part of my memory. in time i will forget this, i know, for it will be replaced by another memory. a much more suitable one. but it didn't mean that it will be forgotten for that's a hard thing to do.
a time to end it all and start moving again.
-nothing is permanent in this life, we have to enjoy it while it is still there. i took every chance i get and make it as if i will never feel it again tomorrow. we all struggle to find something worthwhile and we do almost anything just to keep it. wrap it around with our arms so tight and not letting it go. guarding it so as no one would dare take it away. letting go is a hard thing to do. but like a bird who would start exploring the world and ready to spread its wings for it to fly. it needs to let go, away from it's comfort zone. it's not an easy task to begin with but it is not impossible to do. you need to put your best foot forward and start moving one step at a time. making baby steps as you go along and before you know it you are miles away from your comfort zone. parting ways is something that we need to prepare and will do eventually. we have to accept that everything is not permanent in this world. there will come a point in our life that you would feel that you need to move ahead and go forward and be away from any limited sensibilities where you are now and start making a new chapter in your life and open up new possibilities and welcome new experiences which will mold who you are from what you used to be.
-moving on the account of rain.
it started raining again as i'm laying the last few lines of this story. suddenly i felt like i like the rain, no, rather i'm starting to love it. not just it reminds me of how you love it but because i too have began to understand its worth. its like the story of a raindrop leaving its cloud. as it bravely say its final goodbyes to the cloud then proceeded to jump as high and into the horizon away from the cloud that it used to call home. it floats in the air, starting to wonder how much has it has been missing being inside the cloud that shelters it for so long and now as the droplet like any other droplet like him or her falls down embracing the wind that envelopes its entirety. as it plunges its way down to the earth , making time stands still as it views the horizon in a way that he had never seen before and prepares for the finale, the acceptance that good things never last as it kiss the pavement that he will now call home.
~ciaosu
emotions are like wild horses
"tell me everything"
"i'll respect whatever your decision you make, even if this is good-bye."
"i may not know you that well; i mean, i don't know exactly who you are, but i know who you're not. And you haven't been yourself all night."*
there may be things that you've told me that i don't believe but i know that's true and it might be impossible to explain why, for life is complicated..
emotions are like wild horses.. they are untamed and free... but being untamed shouldn't be the way it is.. we should take control over it and not be control by it.
for one only understand the things that one tames..
should i let you go as it is? or should i tame you and let you tame me too?
Or do i should let you roam free? the way you should be..
*excerpt from brida - paolo coelho
forever and after
my dearest,
i've missed you very very much since the last time we shared time together..its been etched in my memory that i know i will treasure for as long as i had lived..
i've been turning it over and over in my mind lately.
knowing that those times were the happiest and memorable memory that i will cherished.
i've reread our messages for at least four times now, i'd probably read it more times before im through.
i've been sitting here...looking at your picture, getting more humps like every minute. can't barely explain how such a simple thing can mean so much to me..
i've really wanted that picture more than anything else, as of this moment...well not probably more than yourself to be here instead.
i've been thinking about you my love..
i keep on wishing i could be with you.
i wanted to leave here in the worst possible ways, just so i could be with you..
but things don't look too good as of yet.. i know i did some things that made you feel bad and spoiled what used to be a good bond between us..for that i apologize..
i never been so lonesome in my life as i am right now..
im completely lost without you my love..
i never realized i could ever missed a person so much,
i dont know how much longer should till im able to be with you again my love ...
for me to tell you personally that i miss and love you...
Do i really need to do blog updates?
as i sit here in front of the pc, contemplating on what im gonna do..aside from responding to some plurk posts or checking out my facebook and tagged account...i suddenly remember my blog...so what would i put in here right now?
should i post my sketch of dionisia pacquiao?
or should i tell you about my day?
~> journal entry # i dont know anymore, the date is may 11, 2009, monday, i woke up to the sound of laughter coming from outside..i reckon it's my brother probably watching whose line is it anyway from our pc..i shrugged, then do some stretchings while still in bed. then i got up...went to the toilet do some morning rituals...check to see what's going on and then my sister asks if i want to go to the mall..it might be out of boredom or the urge to go somewhere besides home so i said yes, knowing that by the next 20 minutes or so im starting to hate going through it..it rained hard and the traffic is bad..i went there and the mall is crowded by so many people and then we stroll around and bought sandals for my nephew and then eat at 4pm..my first meal of the day...then they went to get some groceries (i think this is the time when i am enlightened about my purpose of being there..im the errand boy darn..) so needless to say i still tagged along cursing to myself for forgotting my wallet, for if i got it i may go home a bit early...but nonetheless im still there and i have to do it. so after the agonizing time of going around picking something putting it in the cart,and the touble of waiting in a long line to pay for it we hail a cab then proceed to go home where i sat in a back and tried to sleep for the duration of the drive home..only to get woken up just when i get my groove to sleep cause we're near our home...so bummer...and i waited till i got my turn on using the pc. then here i am.
so what to do now?
maybe i should write a poem:
~ i wish to be near you
how i wish i was there
there's nothing i can do
to show you that i care
my words can't reach you
no matter how hard i try
i hope you know it's true
i'd rather die than just lie
.... i still think of you i hope you know that...it may be silly but i know its true for forever maybe there waiting for me to decide my fate...i sit and wait...waiting still...only to find out in the end that it is all too late...
**i posted this on my multiply blog last
just so you know :P
~> journal entry # i dont know anymore, the date is may 11, 2009, monday, i woke up to the sound of laughter coming from outside..i reckon it's my brother probably watching whose line is it anyway from our pc..i shrugged, then do some stretchings while still in bed. then i got up...went to the toilet do some morning rituals...check to see what's going on and then my sister asks if i want to go to the mall..it might be out of boredom or the urge to go somewhere besides home so i said yes, knowing that by the next 20 minutes or so im starting to hate going through it..it rained hard and the traffic is bad..i went there and the mall is crowded by so many people and then we stroll around and bought sandals for my nephew and then eat at 4pm..my first meal of the day...then they went to get some groceries (i think this is the time when i am enlightened about my purpose of being there..im the errand boy darn..) so needless to say i still tagged along cursing to myself for forgotting my wallet, for if i got it i may go home a bit early...but nonetheless im still there and i have to do it. so after the agonizing time of going around picking something putting it in the cart,and the touble of waiting in a long line to pay for it we hail a cab then proceed to go home where i sat in a back and tried to sleep for the duration of the drive home..only to get woken up just when i get my groove to sleep cause we're near our home...so bummer...and i waited till i got my turn on using the pc. then here i am.
so what to do now?
maybe i should write a poem:
~ i wish to be near you
how i wish i was there
there's nothing i can do
to show you that i care
my words can't reach you
no matter how hard i try
i hope you know it's true
i'd rather die than just lie
.... i still think of you i hope you know that...it may be silly but i know its true for forever maybe there waiting for me to decide my fate...i sit and wait...waiting still...only to find out in the end that it is all too late...
**i posted this on my multiply blog last
just so you know :P